THE LIGHT BEARER FILM
It Changes You
It changes you, and not always in ways you expect. You find yourself worrying, not in a panicked or overly anxious way, but with a quiet, persistent fear. A fear of losing future chances at something meaningful, like love. There’s this awareness that, just by being yourself, you might unintentionally upset someone, cross an invisible line, and suddenly they’re gone. Ghosted, blocked, forgotten, discarded. And that stings in a way that’s hard to describe.
Sometimes I’ve thought it would be easier to become emotionally detached, to shut off, to isolate myself completely and avoid vulnerability, especially around women. But I can’t live that way. Because of the way I see the world, every so often I encounter someone who ignites something within me. It’s rare, but when it happens, it feels like being brought back to life. My imagination rushes forward, painting vivid scenes of connection, romantic nights in, walking hand-in-hand through parks, moments filled with warmth and soul.
But I’ve come to realise that this imaginative depth, which is such a gift, can also complicate how I relate to others. I often try to match the energy of those I connect with. If they joke, I joke. If they enjoy cheeky or flirtatious banter, I’ll go there too. I make the effort because I care about understanding their desires. But part of me wonders if this makes me come across as someone who’s trying too hard, or worse, someone who lacks authenticity. Maybe that’s why I’m often overlooked, not fully respected, or misunderstood.
I know I’m not someone who can manipulate others or play games to get affection. I just don’t have that in me. I’m aware that writing something like this might give the impression that I’m obsessed with the idea of love, but the truth is, I enjoy my life. The film I created shows the other side of me, the one that’s immersed in creativity, expression, and storytelling. I’ve been through dark times, but I’ve never stopped making things. Art is my way of transmuting pain into something magical. It’s how I manifest vision into reality.
I walk, I stay fit, I write stories, I think deeply, and I keep moving forward. I won’t deny that I hope someday someone will see all of this, see me, and feel moved enough to embrace who I am. I hope they’ll recognise that I’ve always strived to grow into a multidimensional person, not for show, but because life is short and I want to experience it fully.
The idea of the Light Bearer, Lucifer, Prometheus, feels symbolic of the creative fire inside me. That spark pushes me to dance, to express myself, to write, to imagine worlds beyond this one. It’s not about rebellion for rebellion’s sake, but about illuminating what’s real, sacred, and often overlooked. That inner flame is what connects me to something eternal.
Writing like this gives me a sense of presence in a world that often feels detached. Sometimes I feel like most people don’t have anything real to say—or they pretend not to, playing the role of the silent, mysterious type when, in truth, they just lack depth. I’ve always had thoughts running through me, and I like to give them form. It makes me feel alive.
I was studying for a degree when one of the most traumatic experiences of my life happened. It derailed everything. But I loved writing essays, delving into deep subjects, getting lost in thought. I might do another degree in the future, but the truth is, doing it online can feel lonely, and I crave connection in the process, not just content.
I know many men have gone through what I’ve been through, and sadly, some don’t make it out the other side. I was lucky. In my darkest moments, I heard something, maybe from within, maybe beyond, that told me I was loved. That voice saved me. Since then, I’ve been driven by a need to live with purpose, to share my light, to keep creating, and to keep evolving until my final breath.
In future posts, I’ll write more about Lucifer, not the figure twisted by fear-based doctrine, but the divine archetype of light, knowledge, and inner fire. That energy has helped me survive, and it continues to guide me, to keep the torch lit in the darkness.
